Sickness and Scars
by DenisetheAsthmaticCat
Summary: Cosima POV as she wakes up for the first time in the yurt. ...I swear these stories are always so much better in my head...


I'm not sure why my mind is so insistent on pulling me from sleep, but it is.

All I can focus on is this total body ache, the focal point is behind my eyes. I try to take a mental inventory of my body, my aches and pains and try to figure out my surroundings.

I feel so heavy. My lungs are still so congested, breathing is still not as easy as it should be. I feel sweaty and sticky and feel a bit gross because of that. I can't open my eyes, not sure if this is due to my exhaustion or the headache that seems to be gathering momentum with every laboured wheeze.

There smells around me are not overly familiar but still somehow comforting - campfire, cedar, sweat, that last one, maybe not so comforting. My eyes snap open when I pick up on the faint smell that could only belong to Delphine, the pain briefly forgotten.

Everything floods back to me. Rachel and Susan. Escaping with Charlotte. The cold and shivering. Seeing my soulmate again. I thought I was dying again when she was laying over me, trying to warm me up. I swear her kiss is what saved me.

Here she is, holding me. I can't believe it. I stop taking inventory of my body, and start focusing on her.

Her left leg is draped over my midsection, her left arm across my chest. Her head is nestled into the space beside my head, her lips are so close to my shoulder. For how shitty my body feels, my heart is filled with pure joy.

She's not dead, I'm not dead.

That or heaven is really just being in a yurt with your soulmate. Either way, I'm not complaining.

I thread my fingers through the hand that is draped across my shoulder and kiss her head. She responds by straightening her spine and I get to see her face with the slightest hint of a smile. I feel her pull me to her with her leg. I can't help but melt on the inside. The feelings I had for her have only intensified. I note how she still seems to have most of her weight on her right side, I assume she's trying to keep me warm without putting too much pressure on my poor lungs.

Part of me wants to roll away from her, tuck my back into her front and be the little spoon. I can't bear the idea of looking away, so I roll to my left side. I tuck my head under her chin and curl my right leg against the back of her right leg. I hear, and feel, a hum of contentment come from her.

It's impossible for me to keep my hand from exploring and reacquainting myself with the map of Delphine's body. As badly as I want to travel west of her spine and discover the scar that nearly took her from me, I refuse to without her consent. Instead, I busy myself running my fingers along her spine, over her hip and down her leg draped across me. Occasionally, I kiss her sternum or run my foot over her calf.

I'm not sure how long it is until she is slowly pulled to consciousness, but all her little cues are the same. The changes in her breathing pattern, the muscle twitches and the little grunts of annoyance that her sleep is over. I can't help but laugh to myself. I pepper her chest with light kisses and rub my hand along her rib cage in hopes of easing her return to a conscious state.

"I must be dreaming. It's been so long," her accent is thick with sleep. Despite my physical state, the sound of her voice instantly arouses me.

"I know, I can't believe that you are here," my voice is barely above a whisper, cracking with the effort of speaking.

I feel her hands on my face, obviously checking my temperature. An action that in the past would have pissed me off, going into doctor mode. Now, I lean into her hand. I just want her touch. I don't care why or how.

And hell, I was literally freezing to death just a few hours ago. I get her concern.

"How are you feeling?"

"Oh, you know, like death warmed over." I look at her, smiling as broadly as I can. She tries to remain serious, but beams back at me. I wiggle up the bed so we are level and place a little kiss on her lips. "Seriously, though, I'm achy and dealing with a bitch of a headache. But that doesn't matter to me right now."

I see her eyes tear up a bit as I lean in for a longer kiss. My lungs quickly protest so I pull away coughing. As I sit up on the bed, trying to help my lungs in whatever way I can, Delphine quickly climbs out of bed and crosses the yurt. By the time she returns with an oxygen tank hooked up to a cannula, the coughing has calmed to the irritating tickle at the back of my throat. I don't bother putting up a fight as she fits it to my face and opens the valve.

When she's done her hand rests on my cheek, I can't help but close my eyes and lean into her hand then kiss her palm. Her hand travels down my body to rest briefly on my arm.

"You're still cold. We need to warm you up," she says as she moves her arm up and down. I look down at the tiny cot and for a moment question how we both managed to fit on such a tiny thing. I realize that Delphine must have been clinging to the edge as we had slept.

"Shall we crash on the floor?" I ask with a touch of sarcasm, "I think it might be the most comfortable option."

"No, we should sleep on the cot," she smiles at me. " You need to be kept warm. I also want to be as close as I possibly can be to you. And the floor is just a bunch of rugs over the ground, not very comfortable with no real insulation. The frozen ground would work against any effort to try to keep you warm."

"Makes sense, how do you want to do this?" I tease, "We really only have three options for the both of us comfortably fitting. The best would be be flat on my back with you laying on me. Easy access to kisses and cuddles, with you on top of me is obviously my personal favourite option, but I can't see you agreeing to that. In my delicate state, odds are you would be planking over me, limiting the quality cuddles I want, and we would have to be extra careful with the cannula." I see her smile as she guides us down and maneuvers around me to spoon me from behind. "This would be the second option, but I don't like it."

"Oh, why is that mon amour?" She pulls me flush against her.

"I can't see you," I state quite simply. " And you can't be enjoying the line to the oxygen tank laying on you." I know that they are really minor complaints, but I know what I want as the endgame to this little conversation.

"Valid points. How do we remedy this? What is this third option?" She teases and places a kiss on my back.

I know that this cuddling position is one of her favourites. Most times, its one of mine, but not today. It's gonna be a hard sell to not be her little spoon. I figure she's not gonna put up any fights if I take the lead and position us myself. I turn to her, pull her to me and push her on to her back in a surprisingly fluid motion. She allows me to settle between her legs I rest my head on her chest as she pulls the blankets over my shoulders.

I can't resist the urge to be cheeky and I grind my hips into her core. Her breath catches and I know I am getting a semi serious look. I hear the faintest whisper of "brat" fall from her lips and a genlte swat to my bum.

"I think this is perfect," I mumble. " I wish I had the energy to follow through," and I feel her laugh.

"There will be time, mon amour. We will make all the time in the world for that."

We fall into a comfortable silence. Her hands run up and down my spine. I let my hands return to mapping out Delphine's body. After a few minutes, I still my hands and gather my nerve, " Can I look at your scar?"

"Of course you can," is her quiet reply. I can feel her body tense underneath me. I drop a quick kiss to her chest as I lift myself off her slightly and inspect the wound.

It's still fresh, darker than the surrounding skin. I can see where the sutures were placed. I run my fingers around the circumference of the wound, I hesitate and look up to see Delphine's eyes on my. They are full of love, and I think I can see a bit of shame. I stretch to kiss her before returning to my inspections. I finally run my finger over the scar, I feel and see her wince slightly at the contact.

It all hits me at once and I can't contain my tears. I lean in to kiss the scar, my lips barely touch skin before Delphine hauls me up into a massive hug. I can feel her crying as well, not as hard as I am, but she is crying.

She almost died. She was almost taken from me. I took her for granted. I pushed her away and treated her like shit. I grab a hold of her for dear life, crying and kissing every bit of skin that I can reach sobbing apology after apology. For being childish, for abandoning her, for not understanding, for Shay, for making Delphine think that she was replaceable.

"I'm not worth dying for, Delphine. Not even close to being worth sacrificing your life for me," I sob. I feel her breath hitch, a small sob escapes her lips. I lift myself up to look at her.

"You are right, Cosima. I would still sacrifice my life in order to keep you and your sisters safe. Though, I won't let myself die for you or your sisters," she kisses away tears from my cheeks, then holds my face in her hands. " Cosima, you are worth living for. I want to be there for you, I don't want to leave you. I will protect you" I sob and start crying again, vice grip on her resumed. "Things are... complicated in this camp, they will try to take you from me when you are closer to health, I won't let that happen."

"They are gonna have a fight on their hands if they want to take me from you. I thought you were dead. I'm not giving you up."

"I would expect nothing less from you, Cosima." I nestle in tighter to Delphine and her hands begin moving again in an attempt to calm me down. " We have plenty of time to figure out how we will get out of this mess, but you need to rest." I nod dumbly.

I slowly fade from consciousness I feel better than I did just a short while ago. I'm thankful for how the oxygen tank is making breathing a bit easier and headache is a bit less severe. But I also feel lighter, happier. Comforted by Delphine, I know that I will get through this. I've got her back, I'm not gonna let go.

I nod off thinking about the cure, and that I forgot to tell her about it.

There will be time for that.


End file.
